I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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