Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
