jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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