I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
