So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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