why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
