i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
