I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize