The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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