Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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