Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
