I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
