Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
