If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I deserve this hangover.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
