Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
