Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
