dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i believe in u and ur pee
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
