dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
