I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
