When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
