wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
this boner is exhausting
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
