i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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