I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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