are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
