i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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