ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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