They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
