My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
