Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
