Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize