just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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