my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
