what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
