you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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