are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
