C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
