I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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