The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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