I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
