Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
