Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
