You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
