I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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