Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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