it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize