the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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