i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
4 words: hood of his car
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
