She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
