the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
