My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
