Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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