I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
