I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
