You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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