Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
