So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
