wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
