So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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