Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The feeling are messing with the penis
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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