You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
