guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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