He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
