Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
