let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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