It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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