i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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