Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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