Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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