Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
