pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
