thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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