So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
not ubering you a puppy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
