Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How external is "for external use only"?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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