Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
