She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
