I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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