Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
