So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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