Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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