So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
