I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
