he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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