Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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