I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
