I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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