Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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