dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
