Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
