Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
