And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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