so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
