i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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