I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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