I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
