I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
