new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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