Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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