What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Mom said you looked used
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
