Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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