Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
