so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
