I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
