She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He? As in you personified your dick?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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