Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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