Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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