Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize