never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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