Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
