idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
